I received a fair amount of opinionated responses to my recent post on deadbeatery. Some opined that I need to buckle down and work hard to reach my goals, but most responses were the opposite. Most friends and readers expressed that I should relax, take a deep breath, and give myself a break.

I’ve wanted to live in New York for about eight years. After I passed the California bar I registered for the NY bar, but, before I could take it I decided it was probably more prudent to find work in the state where I was already licensed and focus on paying off my copious amounts of student loans. I spent a month here during a break from law school, I visit here two-to-three times a year, and I just freakin’ love it. NY has an intangible quality. Something that is distinctly not for everyone, somewhere I’ve always thought I would live for a few years. It’s New York, what more can I say?

So here I am. Doing what I’ve thought about doing for a long time. And it is as fabulous as I thought it would be, if not more so. I go out for happy hours, I have a plethora of friends, I live with two of the people I love most in the world, we go away on the weekends- NY, here and now, is my oyster.

In a year I will begin grad school. At that time I will dedicate two-to-three years of my life, all of my time and energy, to studying what I love. At that time my life will likely not be lived in New York, it will likely not involve happy hours and weekends away, and the social circle I have will be one I build from scratch, not one I’ve been building for years.

This is my time to simply live, to enjoy something I’ve always wanted.

My recent post on deadbeatery and the reactions to it got me thinking. And as I was thinking, a conversation ensued between me and my roommates. It was one of those back-room conversations, where the conversation itself becomes the center of your universe. We talked about life and love, we talked about the buzz over the recent New York Times article discussing why 20-somethings are basically deadbeats who refuse to “settle down,” and we talked about self-actualization.

Self-actualization is defined as the motivation to realize one’s own maximum potential and possibilities.

If you are like me, if you are a goal-oriented driven person, self-actualization is one of the best and most important things you do in your life. I set a goal for myself, let’s say, become a lawyer, and then I spend a chunk of my life self-actualizing that goal, realizing my own maximum potential within that goal. And one day I wake up and realized that I have accomplished my goal. I was a lawyer. I worked my way through four years of law school while working full-time, I studied for and passed the bar my first try, and then I practiced law for three years. That particular goal was actualized, and I was ready to move on.

When you are a goal-oriented person and much of your life is spent self-actualizing, different periods of your life become dedicated to different things. There are times in your life where your romantic relationship is the most important aspect of your life. During that time you put forth all your effort into the relationship, your life is more relationship-centered, and the goal you are trying to achieve is success in your romantic relationship.

At other times your goal is your career, and all your efforts of self-actualization are centered on that goal. You go to school, you work your way up your particular work-ladder, your life is work-centric, and your efforts are put toward actualizing the career goals you set for yourself at that particular time in your life.

And then there are the brief times when you find yourself in my current position. You have accomplished a major career goal, and you are not yet ready to start working on the next. You are not in a relationship, and, for whatever reason, you are not yet ready to be focused on another one. Your life is not work-centric, it is not relationship-centric, and so it becomes, at that point in your life, a time for whatever you need at that moment.

For me, and for my roommate G who introduced me to the idea of self-actualization and spearheaded this discussion, at this particular time what I need is to be free from major responsibility, to be social, and to just have fun.

I don’t want to study for the GRE because I never fucking feel like it. I bring my vocabulary flashcards around with me everywhere, but I never have a free moment to look at them, because those moments are dedicated to my social life, to enjoying every moment of my new life in New York.

I’m not focused on finding love and I’m not focused on prepping for grad school because neither of those agendas are my current goal. The study, the career, will come in time. It is absolutely certain to change my goals, my focus, and my life in one year. But until that next period of my life begins, it simply can’t hold my focus.

Don’t get me wrong, I have some goals that must be realized now in order for me to be able to begin working on my career goals next year. I have to take the GRE within the next few months, and I have to get my grad school applications out in December and January. But I don’t have to get an amazing score on the GRE. The programs I’m applying to only require a score of 600 or above on the verbal section. Would it be better for me to get a phenomenal score? Yes. Will not doing so keep me from getting into a great MFA program? No.

So again the deadbeatery comes into play. I know how much I need to study to get a 600 on the verbal section of the GRE, and I will get that limited amount of studying done. I will get my applications done on time. I will do the bare minimum amount of work necessary to preserve my future career goals, and no more.

Next year when I’m in grad school, when all my efforts need to be focused on my career, I will spend my time self-actualizing that goal. Until then I will focus my time on my goal of having fun and enjoying my life. I can give myself a break and not beat myself up over not doing any more than that. I can rest assured that I am, in fact, in a self-actualizing phase of my life and working toward a goal, it is just a different goal than I am used to.

P.S. I am writing this post from a porch deck of a Hamptons vacation house overlooking a heated pool. I am having one of the most relaxing and amazing weekends of my life, with two of my favorite girlfriends, and it couldn’t be more perfect. Do you think I’ve made the right choice?