Today I ventured into the world of "what are my options." Since I have sent out about ten resumes in the past week without a single call or email in response, unemployment is a likely future. And since I went to LAW SCHOOL, it is not one I am familiar with or ever thought I'd have to be. So of course I had some questions.
My first question, naturally, was how much money will I get with unemployment, exactly? The answer, based on my attorney-income, appears to be $1,900 a month. Which is the absolute max a person can get in unemployment benefits. To many, many, MANY people in the world, this would be A LOT OF MONEY. To someone who has been living paycheck-to-paycheck making about $4,000 a month net, this means it is time to re-evaluate my lifestyle in a big way.
My monthly rent is $1,000; let's not even talk about my $130,000 in student loan debt! Therefore, $1,900 a month is not enough money. This is a problem. I happen to be trained in the business of solutions. What, then, are my possible solutions?
Thought number one: Perhaps I can supplement this income. Yes, that sounds good. I can practice a little family law on my own. No overhead, no office, no staff. Work from home, and make a little extra cash to bring my monthly income up to around what I was making when I was still employed.
No, says EDD. Well, actually, what EDD says is this: Go ahead, Pearl, make my day. You make that extra money. ... Go on. ... Good girl. Now, GIVE IT TO ME! Yes, that's right; every dollar I make while receiving unemployment benefits serves to reduce my unemployment benefits by that same dollar.
Tell me, please, is there a universe in which this concept makes sense? Is EDD encouraging me to work, in any way, by letting me know that if I work I will only screw myself out of EDD benefits?
Basically, unless I am able to make more than $1,900 a month and do away with the need for unemployment in the first place, working to supplement my EDD income is futile.
Under the table work is out - it's unethical and I'd lose my license to practice law. Independent contract work, selling oranges on the street, cleaning gutters - that's all off the table.
So my worst-case-scenario plan, as of today, is this: Live on $1,900 a month. Defer my student loans. Cut costs. Pay the minimum each month on my credit cards. Don't use the heater. Eat food from cans. Take advantage of the inevitable weight loss that comes along with not being able to afford to eat out or drink.
Oh, and write! Because I'm going to have a lot of free time. So here I am, friends! Embracing my unemployment future, and writing.
You know what defers student loans real good and has always brought me more money than working? Grad school.
Just like that groundhog in the newspaper, sometimes you need to stay in the warm embrace of your gopher hole. Or school, whatever.
You can stick out your head when "jobless recovery" stops appearing on Google News, like Phil looking for his shadow. But if you see your shadow because it's an El Niño year, or the Republican are in office again, you just go back down into the depths of academia and keep reading and writing while the government buys up your student loan debt to keep the lenders liquid until they are finally kicked out of the educational loan market altogether.
You work too hard!
I knew that someday I could make about the same amount of money as a lawyer! And with only one-third the amount of student loan debt. (Just some jokes to liven up the mood!) I'm sorry to hear the news and will be keeping an eye on this space.