Perspective is EVERYTHING.

I live on $1,900 a month and today I discovered that Amy's (organic vegetarian food producer extraordinaire) canned chili is NOT delicious. (Try their frozen lasagna. Mmm hmm.) I only get out of the house to go to the gym and for social gatherings because A) I have no job to go to everyday, B) the (unpaid) work I do all revolves around the computer, and C) I am lazy*.

*This last point is sometimes hard for people to believe because I'm licensed to practice law and my next career move is toward my PhD, so I will clarify. I am PHYSICALLY lazy. Mentally I'm kind of a big deal. : )

Anyway, today's post is clearly going to be a bit rambly. My point is that I am broke and unemployed and eat canned food. Oh, and despite my previously held beliefs, being broke has not resulted in my longed-for bikini-body-ness. *sigh*

I could be upset about the state of things. I could be despondent.

Instead, I am happy. I feel blessed. I have a roof over my head, an amazing support system comprised of friends family and my boyfriend, food to eat (even if it's canned and even if it prevents me from being ready for a bikini), and enough money to pay my basic bills. I have more than many many people in this world, in this country. And to see things in that manner, to be happy and feel blessed for what I do have instead of focusing on what I have not, is an exercise in mastering perspective.

Today my uncle called me. For weeks he has kept his calls short and sweet and has not discussed my career. Today something inside him told him it was time to speak out, and he did.

He began his lecture by telling me that I have always been the one person in our family without an attitude problem. Read: I have always been the one person who did what he told me to do. Now all of a sudden apparently I have an attitude problem. Read: all of a sudden I have my own ideas about how to live my life.

For some reason I silently allowed him to vent. I contemplated faking a bad-connection: "What? I can't hear you you're breaking up." *Click*

Instead he said to me "You know who else has this attitude problem? Your mother." My mother is not my uncle's sister, but rather his sister-in-law whom he has always had a problem with. Recently, while on my campaign of what I will and will not tolerate from my family, I have made it clear that negative remarks about my mother will not be tolerated.

I informed my uncle politely that I would appreciate his not saying anything negative to me about my mother. He responded that I was proving his point. Apparently requesting no bad talk about my mother is a part of my attitude problem. I told him that I loved him but would not have that conversation with him at that time, and hung up.

I put my phone on silent. In fact I haven't been near it since. So if you've texted me or called me, that's why I haven't responded!

Anyway, my uncle's behavior sucks. My role in my family sucks. But at the same time, I am blessed to be so loved and cared for. I am blessed to have the ability to hang up the phone and decide what I do and do not want to discuss. Some people have no family at all. I have a family that cares for me TOO much. That's the way I have to control my perspective to make the most of a less-than-ideal situation.

I am living my dreams. That means canned food and tough choices.

I've been thinking a lot about the sacrifices I'm making in moving for school. I know I'm not moving for a year-and-a-half. But it's happening. It is going to be hard to be away from my friends. It is going to be hard to feel like I am shirking my responsibility by not being near my father as he ages and his illness progresses.

And the more we talk about it the more it sounds like my boyfriend is staying here in this great city with his great job and the life he has built here. I think a lot about how my choice to leave and his choice to stay could very well be the end of us. I tear up when I think about it. I am tearing up right now. My boyfriend has unequivocally been THE biggest supporter of my decision to leave the law and pursue my dreams. And part of that support is letting me go so I can fly.

In its own right it is absolutely heartbreaking. My boyfriend and I love each other enough to set each other free. We want the best for each other at all costs. And if and when we go our separate ways I will remember the kind of person he is, someone who would make such a sacrifice so that I could live my dreams.

I am blessed to know love like this. That is the perspective I see this sacrifice from. And as much as it may break my heart, I am excited about the future. I am excited to live my dreams and make what I want out of this life. Even with all the weight of the loss of those closest to me weighing on my decision, when I think of the future I am happy.

So what is my perspective on leaving my home, on moving away from my friends and family, on potential loss of love? I see myself as blessed to be able to make the most of my time here. Blessed to have known and loved this city and these people from this close for this long.